Pregnancy and Birth Outcomes...

...are influenced by a variety of factors, but cannot be controlled by planning.

Let me rephrase that.  Parents have an idea (fantasy?) of what it will be like.  Moms and dads get organized, read all the 'right' books, take classes, write their birth plan, hire a doula.  And the reality is nothing like they expect:

Just getting through a contraction blocks out everything mom has learned and read.

 
The parents expect to be at home with their doula in early labour and end up in the hospital for 18 hours instead. 

 
Mom says she will never get an epidural and after 30 hours of labour, gets it and wonders why she didn't get it sooner.

Most of us have a fundamental belief (whether we acknowledge it or not), that if we prepare in a certain way and do all the right things, we will have the 'good' birth.  If the birth we have does not match the fantasy, we make an assumption that we have done something wrong and judge ourselves as failing.

Part of what Birthing from Within is about is acknowledging this belief and shifting the idea of a 'good' birth. External factors (what happens) are not as important for parents feeling good about their birth as internal ones (what parents do in the moment).  Some people have unexpected cesarean births that they feel great about, because they know they did everything they could.  Others have a rapidly progressing vaginal birth with no interventions that they perceive as being completely traumatic.

Birthing from Within is not about laying down a plan to follow to the letter.  It is about preparing by putting out into the universe what we would like for ourselves, without being attached to what actually happens.  We are prepared to accept what is happening in the moment and do the next best thing, when necessary.

This is a huge departure from most of what is out there about birth preparation.  It can be scary to let go of the busy work that we do to get the 'right' plan.  And it is good to be a little bit scared, especially when we are stepping into the unknown.

Please check out www.birthingfromwithin.com and www.elliedoula.com for more about this unique birth preparation.

Fathers and Partners Help Best as Birth Guardians...

...and/or loving partners, not as coaches; they also need support.

In honour of Father's Day, I decided to write about this Birthing from Within principle.

In our birth culture, we have moved from dads not even being in the room, to an expectation that they are responsible for supporting the mother in every aspect of pregnancy and birth.  This is not fair to either parent.

Birthing from Within Classes and doula support recognizes that fathers are also going through a rite of passage and major life change that is parallel to, and different from, the mother's experience.  Birthing from Within Classes provide a special class for fathers,that address their different needs. Read more about how Birthing from Within helps fathers...

The main role of the father during birth is to simply be present for the mother, to focus all of his attention and love on her.  Many dads learn that their role at the birth is to 'do something', whether that means negotiating with hospital staff, getting ice chips or doing a certain kind of massage for the mom.  While there are times during the birth that specific tasks may be required, the thing that moms remember most is a sense of their partner being present emotionally.  The father's preparation is sometimes about unlearning -- letting go of the instinct to solve a problem or fix something and instead learn to let the mother experience the intensity of labour, simply being there for her and recognizing the birth as the transformative experience it is.

Birthing from Within pain-coping practices (learned in a class) can help the parents stay connected to each other and gives the father something 'useful' to do that maintains and intensifies their emotional connection.

Having a doula or other female support person present is an excellent way to allow the parents to focus inward on the birth, while the doula gets the ice chips!  Doulas can also help direct dad if he is uncertain about what might help the mother and give him a break if he needs to leave for a few minutes to centre himself. Read this article about how doulas help...

The Purpose of Childbirth Preparation...

...is to prepare mothers to give birth in awareness, not to achieve a specific birth outcome.

This Birthing from Within guiding principle was a real shift for me.  Before I became a Birthing from Within Mentor and Doula in June 2011, I was promising my clients a natural birth in the hospital. I had an intervention free hospital birth and at that time most of my doula clients where having the same type of birth. I was selling pregnant couples a 'good' hospital experience.  And of course couples were buying it.

My realization through my Birthing from Within training and experiences over the last year have helped me realize that truly birthing 'from within', has nothing to do with the type of birth you have and everything to do with where your head is at. Preparation is incredibly valuable, and it does not guarantee a certain outcome.

Research shows parents who receive support:

• Feel more secure and cared for
• Are more successful in adapting to new family dynamics
• Have greater success with breastfeeding
• Have greater self-confidence

These things are true for most parents who use doulas, regardless of the birth outcomes.  This is what I am now offering pregnant couples.  It is not a 'magic bullet', and sometimes it is hard for first time parents to understand how valuable building confidence and feeling good about the birth really is.

The DONA Website also mentions less interventions and cesareans.  While these statistics are valid over a large number of births, parents sometimes interpret this as: "If I hire you as my doula, I will not have an epidural or a cesarean." Promising this (even unintentionally) is doing a disservice to the parents and the doula. Doulas burn out because we take on responsibility for birth outcomes and then when it does not go the way we expect (and parents expect), we take it personally and it is emotionally draining.

Birthing from Within preparation and support includes preparing for every possible outcome and helps parents learn to be present in the moment and recognize their birth as a major rite of passage, whatever kind of birth they have.

Please take a look at my new website for more about what I can offer you.

Pain and intensity are an inevitable part of birth...

...yet much can be done to ease suffering.

Often during pregnancy, people share stories of their birth experiences.  Sometimes these stories give us a sense of how exciting birth can be, of the amazing accomplishment of bringing a baby into the world. 

Unfortunately, sometimes people who tell these stories had a birth that was scary for them, where they suffered.  Hearing these scary experiences, the pregnant parents naturally look for a way to avoid something similar for themselves. 

One Birthing from Within principle is to help parents recognize that pain and intensity are inevitable during birth, and to focus on what we can do to ease suffering, which is the story that we tell ourselves about the pain.

Learning ways to cope can change a scary experience into an awesome one.  It is not about removing the pain, but about seeing it differently and being able to handle it. Some of the pain-coping methods we practice in class are extensions of what women will naturally do when in labour.  The reason I teach them is allow both parents a chance to understand how they work and to practice them, so that they come naturally, even in difficult situations.

Tips on pain-coping during labour:

·         Sometimes mothers are exhausted and might find it helpful to be ‘talked through’ a couple of contractions.

·         Partners - DO NOT tell her to ‘breathe’ or ‘relax’.  Birth is not relaxing.  Encourage her to rest in between contractions.

·         Parents practice together before the birth and find out what works for her.

·         If nothing is working, do something completely different!

What about epidurals?  Many women get epidurals and some will tell about how the birth was terrible until they got the epidural.   When epidurals work properly, they provide almost complete pain relief.   However, there are potentially major risks involved.  In my Birthing from Within Class, we discuss the epidural as one pain-coping tool.

Unexpected events happen during birth and the more preparation you do, the better you will cope.   Labour is painful, and getting through may or may not include an epidural.  Sometimes, even if you plan to get it, the epidural is not available or it doesn’t work correctly.  Having a variety of strategies to cope with pain will help you adapt regardless of the situation and to feel more positive about the entire birth experience.

In my classes, we spend at least 5 hours on pain-coping (1/3 of class time).  This article is intended to give some generally help, regardless of whether you take a Birthing from Within Class.  Practice of pain-coping and integration into your daily life will great increase how effectively you are able to use it during labour.  Hiring a doula who understands pain-coping can help too!

This article originally appeared in the Nuturer, Mommy Connections Lethbridge (March 2012)

Active, creative self-expression...

... is critical to childbirth preparation.  And it is really beneficial for life in general.

Making art slows down fleeting images, allowing us to really see and know how we see things. People who discount or dismiss the importance of art-making in prenatal preparation are probably people who feel uncomfortable making art themselves. They often argue that millions of women have given birth without ever having made any art during pregnancy. That is true, but it doesn't mean it is "right." Birth Art is a vehicle that brings parents from their outside knowing to their inner knowing. It is an organic and enjoyable form of learning, unsurpassed by any other method. - Birthing from Within

Birthing from Within Classes allow parents to engage in creative self-expression through birth art.  Birth art is a part of the class that people are often either intrigued by or terrified of.  First, let's clarify what we are talking about with birth art.  It is:

• For the purpose of learning about yourself, finding new ways of thinking about yourself and your birth.
• Not art therapy.  The only person who looks at your art is you.
• Different for everyone.
• Not supposed to be pretty.  It is not 'supposed' to be anything.  
• Helpful in preparing for birth and parenthood, because it usually doesn't go the way you planned it in your head, but even more marvelous things happen than you could have imagined.

Even though I am not pregnant, I get to do lots of art in preparation for mentoring my Birthing from Within classes.  The idea is that everything I ask parents to do, I am doing twice as much of.  So if I ask parents in my class to draw their 'Strongest Image of Birth' as the assignment for a class one week, I am drawing that assignment or something similar twice.  

Doing the same assignments several times allows me to let go of some of the associations or 'stories' I am telling myself about certain aspects of pregnancy and birth.  Every time I draw something the images are different and new questions come up.  Sometimes little questions about what to ask parents in my class after a certain art assignment and sometimes big questions that help me to understand and put aside my own judgments and biases.

The Birthing from Within book has some of the art assignments in it, but the best way to experience the art is in a class setting.  Whether you draw and paint on a regular basis, or you haven't picked up a crayon since kindergarten, the birth art process will teach your something about yourself.

This belly cast is not something that we do in a class, but it is something you can experiment with.  It is decorated with henna, which women around the world have used to decorate their bodies in order to celebrate major life events such as birth.

My friend Kim Strom did the henna decoration.  You can find her on facebook under 'Henna by Kimberley'.  She does blessingways, baby showers and plain old henna parties.

Parents' Individual Needs and Differences Determine Class Content

Birthing from Within Classes are designed as gourmet meals, where parents can 'order up' different dishes  depending on their needs and appetites.

In a six week series, each class is a meal, which includes:

• APPETIZER: some type of introduction to whet the appetite
• BREAD BASKET: this is the pain-coping.  1/3 of each class is spent on learning practical skills that parents can use during labour.
• MAIN COURSE: the 'meat and potatoes' or practical information.
• SIDE DISH: enhances the main course.  It can include birth art, role plays or other activities to initiate parents - moving from the known into the unknown of birth and parenthood.
• DESSERT: closing the class by celebrating the pregnancy and upcoming birth.

A weekend class is designed the same way, with three complete meals on the Saturday and three more on the Sunday.

I have at least 50-60 hours of potential content and 15 hours of class time.  So while I follow this menu, and I have a general idea of what types of things might come up, the same class from one series to another can be very different depending on what kinds of questions parents ask.

I always begin the first class by asking:  "What would need to happen during this class to make it worthwhile for you?" and I use that in my preparation and delivery of class content.

The one thing I don't spend too much time on is providing a lot of obstetrical information.  I find that people who are interested in medical information usually have a lot of it by the time they take the class.  I am always happy to recommend books to parents and there are some suggestions on my website and this blog. Birthing from Within is really about learning what birth might be like from the parents point of view and to prepare them for their own birth experience.

Topics covered in a typical Birthing from Within Class:

• How to cope with pain in labour (what it might look like, practical non-medical and medical ways of coping)
• Nutrition and physical health for pregnancy and postpartum, including breastfeeding.
• Labour itself:  early signs, a 'map' of labour, things that help labour progress, what might a 'normal' labour look like.
• Unexpected events: Induction and Cesarean Birth are covered
• Special class for dads:  dad's role as the main support person; special concerns of dads
• Life with Baby: includes expectations, practical information, where to get help
• Ways to celebrate birth and new parenthood
• And lots more....

Please get in touch with me to register for the classes I am offering in Lethbridge and check out www.birthingfromwithin.com to find Birthing from Within Mentors in other parts of the world.

Like my Birthing From Within Lethbridge Facebook page for interesting information and connection to community resources.

The Teacher is "Midwife" to the Parents' Discovery Process...

...not the expert from whom wisdom flows.

This is the fourth Birthing from Within guiding principle, and one more thing that sets Birthing from Within apart from some of the other prenatal class options that are out there.

I realized how true this is when I mentored my first group class last weekend.  My regular class series (whether weekend or six week series) is 15 hours of class time.  Last weekend's class was 6 hours total.  At first, I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to cover 'everything' in 6 hours.  Then as I explored further, I recognized that there is no 'everything'.  There is simply the process of introducing parents to new ideas and ways of thinking about birth and themselves as parents and trusting they will take what they need from the class and learn more on their own.

There is so much 'information' about birth:  telling people where to go, what to do and presenting potential scenarios for parents depending on the decisions they make.  The reality is that parents will not really be able to understand in advance exactly what will happen and instead need to understand that each birth is a different and intensely personal experience for everyone (even a mother and father at the same birth or a mother from one birth to the next).  This is one of the reasons that we use the Labyrinth to look at birth.  The labyrinth has one pathway in and out, but the path is full of twists and turns.  When I taught this at my class last weekend parents really responded to it.  One mother said that she only really understood how useful it might be for labour and birth once she explained it to her own mother.  This is a really good example of how the Birthing from Within Mentor (teacher) introduces a concept and parents take it, explore it further and make it their own.  She bought the Labyrinth of Birth book, which includes history of labyrinths, how to make them and ways to use them in preparation for labour and during labour.

What I do as a Birthing from Within Mentor can be hard to explain.  In our society, we are accustomed to looking for the right answer.  Many people feel inclined to make judgments about pregnant women and give them advice, and sometimes that advice seems helpful, especially if it reinforces what we already believe about birth.  As a Mentor, it is not my job to tell parents what to or tricks on how to have the 'right' birth.  My role is to help them understand what might be right for them and to truly accept that the unexpected is inevitable.  From there, parents take responsibility for their own birth preparation.  Sometimes, it seems to make the classes more challenging to 'sell' to people, since I am not offering a magical solution.  Instead, I am offering the opportunity to discover things about yourself, your relationship with your partner and presenting new ideas that may help you in birth and as a new parent.

I have a six-week series starting on November 2, for those in the Lethbridge area.  please contact me for more information:  elliedoula@gmail.com

Childbirth Preparation is Also Parent Preparation

This is the 3rd guiding principle of Birthing from Within.  People spend a year preparing for a wedding day, how much time do we spend preparing for married life?  Similarly, most prenatal classes spend most of the time preparing for the day of birth itself, how much time do we spend preparing for actual parenting? The Birthing from Within perspective is that you are a parent while pregnant, and we use the terms parents, mothers and fathers to refer to our class participants.

One great thing about Birthing from Within Classes is that the way the classes are taught, prepares you for both birth and parenting.  We learn that birth is unpredictable, unexpected events occur, we cannot plan for or control every aspect of it.  We may feel frustrated, exhausted or uncomfortable.  Welcome to parenthood!

I think about the ideas I had about both birth and parenting before I had my daughter, and I have to smile at myself.  The expectation that I could control so many things, that if I just figured out the magical equation she would sleep, calm down, nurse the way I expected her too.  Even now, she is 2 and a half and I still sometimes want to make things happen in a certain way, that is easy or convenient for me.  I would have loved to take a Birthing from Within class, and maybe it would have helped me understand that holding a baby for hours on end to get them to sleep was not a problem to be solved, but what I signed up for as a parent. Now, in the rare event that she wants to snuggle or has trouble going to sleep, I do my best to use my Birthing from Within breath practices (used for pain-coping during labour), to be present in the moment and enjoy it or at least accept it.  It works (sort of) for temper tantrums in the grocery store too.

Connected to the topic of parent preparation, I participated in a workshop in my community this week, from the creators of The Smiling Mask:
The purpose of The Smiling Mask is to create awareness, understanding, and acceptance of postpartum difficulties; to bring peace and validation to mothers and fathers by engaging and empowering families, and communities in the life changing and natural experience of parenthood.


The three women who started it all experience postpartum depression after the births of their children, and they were not prepared for it.  Our society and media barrage us with images of happy mothers and peaceful babies, and if we fall outside of that there is some kind of deficit in us.  Really the deficit is in an understanding of parenthood as a major rite of passage and the reality that we feel all kinds of things as new parents.  Consistently, new parents feel exhausted, but other than that it really depends on the individual. If we do meaningful preparation before birth, the more resources and coping skills we will have.  The more that we create a community of support, whether it is family, friends or professionals such as postpartum doulas and counsellors, the more we can call on them when we need help.  Everyone who had a new baby needs help, the difference is whether we allow ourselves to accept the help.

I would highly recommend The Smiling Mask website, dvd and books.

The Essence of Childbirth Preparation is Self-Discovery...

...not assimilating obstetrical information.


This the second Birthing from Within® principle.  For some of us, when we are first pregnant, we start to read all the 'books'.  The ones about what happens every week during pregnancy, describing: the birth, the dilation, effacement, induction, ruptured membranes, prolapsed cords, and on and on. Sometimes, the desire to get 'all the information' comes from a belief that the more we know about these kinds of things, the 'better' our birth will be. A good question to ask ourselves is: what kind of information are we getting from these books and how will it help us to prepare for and give birth to our baby?

Many books and childbirth classes present primarily obstetric information, which is simply technical, medical information about birth.  This is information that is especially useful if you are a doctor, nurse or midwife and you need to determine what is happening medically during a birth.  As a parent, this information can be interesting to read, but it is not necessarily relevant when you are actually going through the experience of labour.

Are we looking for a magical formula for the perfect birth?  Or do we just want to gather as much information as possible and leave ourselves open to all the possibilities? Maybe what we are looking for is something else, something to help us in our journey and these books are what is available to us.

We are very much a society that emphasizes solving problems, getting the 'right' answer and planning for everything.  Birth is about surrendering to the unknown, and accepting that we will get there regardless of what we do or don't do to prepare.  One of the things we do as part of Birthing from Within childbirth preparation is to use the labyrinth as a metaphor for the childbirth experience.  (Click here for an article about this).  The labyrinth allows us to look at birth as a journey, where we are challenged, we face the unexpected, we doubt ourselves and we move forward and reach the centre (i.e. the birth of our baby).  Birth gives us the opportunity to really learn about ourselves and to emerge as parents.  This is as true for fathers as well as mothers.

It is important that we do the amount of preparation that feels right to us.  For some people it is reading and taking two or three different prenatal classes and hiring a doula and joining groups online and talking to everyone they know who has ever had a baby.  For others, it is blocking out all medical information about birth and just preparing emotionally.  Or somewhere in between. There is no right or wrong way to prepare.  What is useful to understand is that we are all going on the same journey, in the sense that it is unpredictable and there is no magic formula or right way to do it.

Birthing from Within childbirth classes are unique in that people with very different kinds of approaches to birth preparation are able to benefit, as long as you are willing to learn about yourself and move forward on your journey, one step at a time.

If you are interested in a Birthing from Within Class and you live in the Lethbridge area, please contact me for more information.  If you live somewhere else, please check out Birthing from Within's website to find a Mentor in your area

Childbirth is a Profound Rite of Passage...

...not a medical event (even when medical care is part of the birth)


This the first of Birthing From Within's 14 guiding principles.


I have been talking to lots of people in my community lately about Birthing from Within® and how the childbirth classes I mentor offer something completely different, and it seems like the principles are a gateway to that explanation.


So I am going to look at the principles over the next few weeks and give you my interpretation of them.


A Rite of Passage
a significant event in a transitional period of someone's life


Sometimes it feels like birth in our culture is really polarized between a medical birth and a 'natural' birth, with value judgements about one 'type' being better than another.  Many of us who work in birth recognize how destructive it is for women to categorize their birth one way or the other.  To me the piece that is important is understanding that all women who become mothers undergo a significant life change and that acknowledging and respecting this truth brings us together and allows us to support each other through this rite of passage.


Regardless of where we are giving birth or what expected or unexpected thing happen during the birth, every women experiences this life changing event.  Birthing From Within childbirth preparation validates the understanding a mother has about her own birth, motivates the parents to make the choices that are best for them, educates that birth is hard work and it changes you as a person, initiates the parents into the birthing experience and celebrates the strength and resilience of all mothers and babies.


Please contact me for more information about these amazing classes and check out www.birthingfromwithin.com