Pregnancy and Birth Outcomes...

...are influenced by a variety of factors, but cannot be controlled by planning.

Let me rephrase that.  Parents have an idea (fantasy?) of what it will be like.  Moms and dads get organized, read all the 'right' books, take classes, write their birth plan, hire a doula.  And the reality is nothing like they expect:

Just getting through a contraction blocks out everything mom has learned and read.

 
The parents expect to be at home with their doula in early labour and end up in the hospital for 18 hours instead. 

 
Mom says she will never get an epidural and after 30 hours of labour, gets it and wonders why she didn't get it sooner.

Most of us have a fundamental belief (whether we acknowledge it or not), that if we prepare in a certain way and do all the right things, we will have the 'good' birth.  If the birth we have does not match the fantasy, we make an assumption that we have done something wrong and judge ourselves as failing.

Part of what Birthing from Within is about is acknowledging this belief and shifting the idea of a 'good' birth. External factors (what happens) are not as important for parents feeling good about their birth as internal ones (what parents do in the moment).  Some people have unexpected cesarean births that they feel great about, because they know they did everything they could.  Others have a rapidly progressing vaginal birth with no interventions that they perceive as being completely traumatic.

Birthing from Within is not about laying down a plan to follow to the letter.  It is about preparing by putting out into the universe what we would like for ourselves, without being attached to what actually happens.  We are prepared to accept what is happening in the moment and do the next best thing, when necessary.

This is a huge departure from most of what is out there about birth preparation.  It can be scary to let go of the busy work that we do to get the 'right' plan.  And it is good to be a little bit scared, especially when we are stepping into the unknown.

Please check out www.birthingfromwithin.com and www.elliedoula.com for more about this unique birth preparation.

Quinoa Salad

Quinoa is basically superfood. It is a complete protein by itself, tastes amazing and is gluten free.

It can be used in place of rice, in salads, in stir-fries and as hot cereal.

It cooks in 15 minutes on the stove, or you can sprout it first by putting it in a glass jar and covering with water. Put cheesecloth over the top and secure with a rubber band. Soak it overnight or for at least 8 - 12 hours. In the morning, rinse and drain the jar well. There should not be water left sitting in the jar.

Leave the jar in a cool, dark place while the quinoa sprouts. Make sure to rinse and drain the quinoa every 6 - 8 hours. The quinoa will be done sprouting in about 48 hours.

They have large bags of organic quinoa for about $10 at Costco.
My quinoa salads are often a combination of quinoa and whatever I have in my fridge/garden for veggies.  Below is an example, and I hope that you will experiment.  Everything is optional with the exception of the quinoa (although you can substitute bulgur, brown rice or couscous) and some kind of acid - lemon or vinegar usually.

In a large bowl mix:

1-2 cups of Quinoa - either sprouted or cooked.
1-2 cups of black or kidney beans (1 can)1-2 carrots grated
1 pepper - finely chopped
2-3 cups of spinach, lettuce and other greens - raw and chopped
2-3 green onions
Fresh herbs - cilantro, oregano, chives, mint, thyme, cilantro, parsley. (1 or 2)
Lemon juice to taste
Olive or sesame oil (or whatever oil you like)
Sea salt and pepper to taste
Hot sauce
Feta Cheese

It tastes the best if you make it and let it sit for an hour or two and marinate.  Lasts 3-4 days in the fridge.

I like to get a variety of colours with the vegetables.  Red lettuce, different coloured peppers.  You can also use peas, corn, green beans, cucumbers or whatever you have.

Fathers and Partners Help Best as Birth Guardians...

...and/or loving partners, not as coaches; they also need support.

In honour of Father's Day, I decided to write about this Birthing from Within principle.

In our birth culture, we have moved from dads not even being in the room, to an expectation that they are responsible for supporting the mother in every aspect of pregnancy and birth.  This is not fair to either parent.

Birthing from Within Classes and doula support recognizes that fathers are also going through a rite of passage and major life change that is parallel to, and different from, the mother's experience.  Birthing from Within Classes provide a special class for fathers,that address their different needs. Read more about how Birthing from Within helps fathers...

The main role of the father during birth is to simply be present for the mother, to focus all of his attention and love on her.  Many dads learn that their role at the birth is to 'do something', whether that means negotiating with hospital staff, getting ice chips or doing a certain kind of massage for the mom.  While there are times during the birth that specific tasks may be required, the thing that moms remember most is a sense of their partner being present emotionally.  The father's preparation is sometimes about unlearning -- letting go of the instinct to solve a problem or fix something and instead learn to let the mother experience the intensity of labour, simply being there for her and recognizing the birth as the transformative experience it is.

Birthing from Within pain-coping practices (learned in a class) can help the parents stay connected to each other and gives the father something 'useful' to do that maintains and intensifies their emotional connection.

Having a doula or other female support person present is an excellent way to allow the parents to focus inward on the birth, while the doula gets the ice chips!  Doulas can also help direct dad if he is uncertain about what might help the mother and give him a break if he needs to leave for a few minutes to centre himself. Read this article about how doulas help...

The Purpose of Childbirth Preparation...

...is to prepare mothers to give birth in awareness, not to achieve a specific birth outcome.

This Birthing from Within guiding principle was a real shift for me.  Before I became a Birthing from Within Mentor and Doula in June 2011, I was promising my clients a natural birth in the hospital. I had an intervention free hospital birth and at that time most of my doula clients where having the same type of birth. I was selling pregnant couples a 'good' hospital experience.  And of course couples were buying it.

My realization through my Birthing from Within training and experiences over the last year have helped me realize that truly birthing 'from within', has nothing to do with the type of birth you have and everything to do with where your head is at. Preparation is incredibly valuable, and it does not guarantee a certain outcome.

Research shows parents who receive support:

• Feel more secure and cared for
• Are more successful in adapting to new family dynamics
• Have greater success with breastfeeding
• Have greater self-confidence

These things are true for most parents who use doulas, regardless of the birth outcomes.  This is what I am now offering pregnant couples.  It is not a 'magic bullet', and sometimes it is hard for first time parents to understand how valuable building confidence and feeling good about the birth really is.

The DONA Website also mentions less interventions and cesareans.  While these statistics are valid over a large number of births, parents sometimes interpret this as: "If I hire you as my doula, I will not have an epidural or a cesarean." Promising this (even unintentionally) is doing a disservice to the parents and the doula. Doulas burn out because we take on responsibility for birth outcomes and then when it does not go the way we expect (and parents expect), we take it personally and it is emotionally draining.

Birthing from Within preparation and support includes preparing for every possible outcome and helps parents learn to be present in the moment and recognize their birth as a major rite of passage, whatever kind of birth they have.

Please take a look at my new website for more about what I can offer you.

Guacamole and Simple Quesadillas

Avocadoes are full of healthy fat that is so necessary for building a healthy baby and breastfeeding.  Toddlers generally love them too.

Guacamole
2-3 ripe avocadoes (cut them open and scrape the flesh out with a fork)
juice of one lemon
2 cloves of garlic (optional) - minced or pressed
1 teaspoon of cumin
Sea salt and pepper to taste

Mix ingredients in a bowl with a fork or potato masher.  You can use a blender too, but I prefer the chunky consistency from the fork. Serve on top of quesadillas or with veggies, tortilla chips or on sandwiches.

Quesadillas
4 tortillas
1 cup of cheese- mozzarella, feta, cheddar or a combination
1-2 cups of well chopped veggies - peppers, spinach and green onions are some favourites
1 cup of protein - precooked beans, chicken, shrimp or ground beef.
Hot sauce to taste

Fill tortillas with ingredients, fold over and bake in toaster oven or oven for 10 mins.  Smother with guacamole.

Hummus Recipe

I am going to post some recipes on my blog, as requested by my doula clients, Birthing from Within class participants and friends.  

Hummus

Hummus is so easy to make.  It keeps for about a week and is great to have in the fridge to give you the healthy calories you need when pregnant and breastfeeding.. It is one of the best foods for calcium absorption and is an excellent source of protein and fibre. Best of all it is easy to make and tastes great. Serve with pita, flat bread, crackers or raw vegetables or use it as a sandwich spread.

Ingredients:

1 large can of chickpeas, drained

¼ cup tahini (sesame paste)

3-4 cloves garlic, minced

Juice of 1 lemon

Sea salt to taste (pregnant women need more salt, to build amniotic fluid and increase their blood volume)

2-3 tsp zatar spice (mix of thyme, sesame and sea salt)

2 tbsp olive oil

1 tbsp sesame oil

Directions:
• Place all ingredients in a food processor or blender and mix until smooth.

• Add additional olive oil if needed to achieve the right consistency.

• Taste and adjust the seasonings as desired.

adapted from www.cookbooksandrecipes.com

Mothers

Julie and Ellie - Early Days

Happy Mother's Day.  What a lovely opportunity to take a few minutes to reflect on ourselves as mothers or mothers-to-be.

How do we let go of the judgement that we feel from the world around us, and more importantly the self-judgement?

Learning to say: "I am doing the best I can with the resources and knowledge I have and moving forward."

Learning to let go of the organic quinoa falafel cakes we saw on Pinterest, but never baked. Let go of the parenting book we didn't have time to read.


Let go of feeling guilty about yelling at our 3 year old for digging up the section of the garden we just planted and putting pine needles in the watering can -- eventually even letting go of the yelling (maybe).

Instead, how do we learn to embrace the early morning request for a group hug with mommy, daddy and 6 stuffed animals and hold on tight for an extra minute, instead of rushing off to make breakfast?

How do we give in and relax at the idea that our 3 week old needs to nurse for six hours straight, put up our feet and read a juicy novel, while he lies on our chest?

Julie and Ellie - Today

During pregnancy, how do we prepare for birth and motherhood in ways that nourish us, whether it is preparing a special place in our home for our baby, or in our hearts.

I am off to enjoy my daughter's company.  I hope that everyone has a wonderful day.

Pain and intensity are an inevitable part of birth...

...yet much can be done to ease suffering.

Often during pregnancy, people share stories of their birth experiences.  Sometimes these stories give us a sense of how exciting birth can be, of the amazing accomplishment of bringing a baby into the world. 

Unfortunately, sometimes people who tell these stories had a birth that was scary for them, where they suffered.  Hearing these scary experiences, the pregnant parents naturally look for a way to avoid something similar for themselves. 

One Birthing from Within principle is to help parents recognize that pain and intensity are inevitable during birth, and to focus on what we can do to ease suffering, which is the story that we tell ourselves about the pain.

Learning ways to cope can change a scary experience into an awesome one.  It is not about removing the pain, but about seeing it differently and being able to handle it. Some of the pain-coping methods we practice in class are extensions of what women will naturally do when in labour.  The reason I teach them is allow both parents a chance to understand how they work and to practice them, so that they come naturally, even in difficult situations.

Tips on pain-coping during labour:

·         Sometimes mothers are exhausted and might find it helpful to be ‘talked through’ a couple of contractions.

·         Partners - DO NOT tell her to ‘breathe’ or ‘relax’.  Birth is not relaxing.  Encourage her to rest in between contractions.

·         Parents practice together before the birth and find out what works for her.

·         If nothing is working, do something completely different!

What about epidurals?  Many women get epidurals and some will tell about how the birth was terrible until they got the epidural.   When epidurals work properly, they provide almost complete pain relief.   However, there are potentially major risks involved.  In my Birthing from Within Class, we discuss the epidural as one pain-coping tool.

Unexpected events happen during birth and the more preparation you do, the better you will cope.   Labour is painful, and getting through may or may not include an epidural.  Sometimes, even if you plan to get it, the epidural is not available or it doesn’t work correctly.  Having a variety of strategies to cope with pain will help you adapt regardless of the situation and to feel more positive about the entire birth experience.

In my classes, we spend at least 5 hours on pain-coping (1/3 of class time).  This article is intended to give some generally help, regardless of whether you take a Birthing from Within Class.  Practice of pain-coping and integration into your daily life will great increase how effectively you are able to use it during labour.  Hiring a doula who understands pain-coping can help too!

This article originally appeared in the Nuturer, Mommy Connections Lethbridge (March 2012)

Lethbridge City and Baby Trade Show

We are sponsoring this trade show, taking place Saturday, March 3.

For more info and to see our blog post on their page click here.

We hope to see you there.

Returning from Birth

This article originally appeared in The Nurturer - a publication of Mommy Connections Lethbridge

Giving birth is a journey.  During pregnancy we prepare.  This preparation might include taking classes, reading books, preparing the baby’s room, having a baby shower and other types of more personal, emotional preparation.

The birth itself is a transition - from the self you were before to the birth of yourself as a mother.  There is a lot of focus in our culture on the well being and experience of the baby. It is equally important that you, as the mother, are nurtured and supported in your new role.  Surround yourself with people who will protect and support you in the first few days and weeks postpartum, while you are learning your new role.

As you learn to recognize yourself as a mom, you may start to wonder what happened to the ‘old you’.  Where is the woman who went to the gym four times a week or who spent an hour a day painting or who cooked gourmet meals? When we have a new baby (or two or three children) sometimes we stop doing other things that give us pleasure and our lives are all consumed by parenthood. This is okay.  For a while.

As time passes many women find that they are starting to return to their old interests, or pick up new ones.  Your world expands again beyond motherhood to include other things.

There was a woman who lived on a farm and had two horses. Before she had kids she rode them every day.  Even well into her pregnancy, she went for rides, spent time with the horses, grooming them and just enjoying their company.  Even though she was happy when her daughter was born, she missed her horses.  So she made a promise to herself that when her daughter was a little older, she would go back to her horses, even if it was only a couple of times a week.  When her daughter was about ten months old, she arranged for a teenage neighbour to come and babysit three times a week so she could go riding.  She saw having that time for herself allowed her to be a better mom.

What I have just described is called the Ceremony of the Return.  Coming out of your birth and early parenting experience and wanting time for yourself is healthy and positive and it helps you come back to your family refreshed. 

You need:           Symbolic object; tags; pot or ground for burial 

·         Think of something you love to do that will be impossible or difficult to do the first year after birth

·         Pick an object that symbolizes/represents that part of your self

·         String and tag the object with a date one year from your baby’s birthday

·         Bury the object in the ground or in a pot.

·         In one year, around baby’s birthday, dig up the object and make a commitment to resume the activity you love.

January Newsletter

Read the Birthing from Within Lethbridge January Newsletter for lots of great info about our classes and doula support, plus community events and discounts for pregnant women and families.