Childbirth Preparation is Also Parent Preparation

This is the 3rd guiding principle of Birthing from Within.  People spend a year preparing for a wedding day, how much time do we spend preparing for married life?  Similarly, most prenatal classes spend most of the time preparing for the day of birth itself, how much time do we spend preparing for actual parenting? The Birthing from Within perspective is that you are a parent while pregnant, and we use the terms parents, mothers and fathers to refer to our class participants.

One great thing about Birthing from Within Classes is that the way the classes are taught, prepares you for both birth and parenting.  We learn that birth is unpredictable, unexpected events occur, we cannot plan for or control every aspect of it.  We may feel frustrated, exhausted or uncomfortable.  Welcome to parenthood!

I think about the ideas I had about both birth and parenting before I had my daughter, and I have to smile at myself.  The expectation that I could control so many things, that if I just figured out the magical equation she would sleep, calm down, nurse the way I expected her too.  Even now, she is 2 and a half and I still sometimes want to make things happen in a certain way, that is easy or convenient for me.  I would have loved to take a Birthing from Within class, and maybe it would have helped me understand that holding a baby for hours on end to get them to sleep was not a problem to be solved, but what I signed up for as a parent. Now, in the rare event that she wants to snuggle or has trouble going to sleep, I do my best to use my Birthing from Within breath practices (used for pain-coping during labour), to be present in the moment and enjoy it or at least accept it.  It works (sort of) for temper tantrums in the grocery store too.

Connected to the topic of parent preparation, I participated in a workshop in my community this week, from the creators of The Smiling Mask:
The purpose of The Smiling Mask is to create awareness, understanding, and acceptance of postpartum difficulties; to bring peace and validation to mothers and fathers by engaging and empowering families, and communities in the life changing and natural experience of parenthood.


The three women who started it all experience postpartum depression after the births of their children, and they were not prepared for it.  Our society and media barrage us with images of happy mothers and peaceful babies, and if we fall outside of that there is some kind of deficit in us.  Really the deficit is in an understanding of parenthood as a major rite of passage and the reality that we feel all kinds of things as new parents.  Consistently, new parents feel exhausted, but other than that it really depends on the individual. If we do meaningful preparation before birth, the more resources and coping skills we will have.  The more that we create a community of support, whether it is family, friends or professionals such as postpartum doulas and counsellors, the more we can call on them when we need help.  Everyone who had a new baby needs help, the difference is whether we allow ourselves to accept the help.

I would highly recommend The Smiling Mask website, dvd and books.

The Essence of Childbirth Preparation is Self-Discovery...

...not assimilating obstetrical information.


This the second Birthing from Within® principle.  For some of us, when we are first pregnant, we start to read all the 'books'.  The ones about what happens every week during pregnancy, describing: the birth, the dilation, effacement, induction, ruptured membranes, prolapsed cords, and on and on. Sometimes, the desire to get 'all the information' comes from a belief that the more we know about these kinds of things, the 'better' our birth will be. A good question to ask ourselves is: what kind of information are we getting from these books and how will it help us to prepare for and give birth to our baby?

Many books and childbirth classes present primarily obstetric information, which is simply technical, medical information about birth.  This is information that is especially useful if you are a doctor, nurse or midwife and you need to determine what is happening medically during a birth.  As a parent, this information can be interesting to read, but it is not necessarily relevant when you are actually going through the experience of labour.

Are we looking for a magical formula for the perfect birth?  Or do we just want to gather as much information as possible and leave ourselves open to all the possibilities? Maybe what we are looking for is something else, something to help us in our journey and these books are what is available to us.

We are very much a society that emphasizes solving problems, getting the 'right' answer and planning for everything.  Birth is about surrendering to the unknown, and accepting that we will get there regardless of what we do or don't do to prepare.  One of the things we do as part of Birthing from Within childbirth preparation is to use the labyrinth as a metaphor for the childbirth experience.  (Click here for an article about this).  The labyrinth allows us to look at birth as a journey, where we are challenged, we face the unexpected, we doubt ourselves and we move forward and reach the centre (i.e. the birth of our baby).  Birth gives us the opportunity to really learn about ourselves and to emerge as parents.  This is as true for fathers as well as mothers.

It is important that we do the amount of preparation that feels right to us.  For some people it is reading and taking two or three different prenatal classes and hiring a doula and joining groups online and talking to everyone they know who has ever had a baby.  For others, it is blocking out all medical information about birth and just preparing emotionally.  Or somewhere in between. There is no right or wrong way to prepare.  What is useful to understand is that we are all going on the same journey, in the sense that it is unpredictable and there is no magic formula or right way to do it.

Birthing from Within childbirth classes are unique in that people with very different kinds of approaches to birth preparation are able to benefit, as long as you are willing to learn about yourself and move forward on your journey, one step at a time.

If you are interested in a Birthing from Within Class and you live in the Lethbridge area, please contact me for more information.  If you live somewhere else, please check out Birthing from Within's website to find a Mentor in your area

Childbirth is a Profound Rite of Passage...

...not a medical event (even when medical care is part of the birth)


This the first of Birthing From Within's 14 guiding principles.


I have been talking to lots of people in my community lately about Birthing from Within® and how the childbirth classes I mentor offer something completely different, and it seems like the principles are a gateway to that explanation.


So I am going to look at the principles over the next few weeks and give you my interpretation of them.


A Rite of Passage
a significant event in a transitional period of someone's life


Sometimes it feels like birth in our culture is really polarized between a medical birth and a 'natural' birth, with value judgements about one 'type' being better than another.  Many of us who work in birth recognize how destructive it is for women to categorize their birth one way or the other.  To me the piece that is important is understanding that all women who become mothers undergo a significant life change and that acknowledging and respecting this truth brings us together and allows us to support each other through this rite of passage.


Regardless of where we are giving birth or what expected or unexpected thing happen during the birth, every women experiences this life changing event.  Birthing From Within childbirth preparation validates the understanding a mother has about her own birth, motivates the parents to make the choices that are best for them, educates that birth is hard work and it changes you as a person, initiates the parents into the birthing experience and celebrates the strength and resilience of all mothers and babies.


Please contact me for more information about these amazing classes and check out www.birthingfromwithin.com