Let me rephrase that. Parents have an idea (fantasy?) of what it will be like. Moms and dads get organized, read all the 'right' books, take classes, write their birth plan, hire a doula. And the reality is nothing like they expect:
Just getting through a contraction blocks out everything mom has learned and read.
The parents expect to be at home with their doula in early labour and end up in the hospital for 18 hours instead.
Mom says she will never get an epidural and after 30 hours of labour, gets it and wonders why she didn't get it sooner.
Most of us have a fundamental belief (whether we acknowledge it or not), that if we prepare in a certain way and do all the right things, we will have the 'good' birth. If the birth we have does not match the fantasy, we make an assumption that we have done something wrong and judge ourselves as failing.
Part of what Birthing from Within is about is acknowledging this belief and shifting the idea of a 'good' birth. External factors (what happens) are not as important for parents feeling good about their birth as internal ones (what parents do in the moment). Some people have unexpected cesarean births that they feel great about, because they know they did everything they could. Others have a rapidly progressing vaginal birth with no interventions that they perceive as being completely traumatic.
This is a huge departure from most of what is out there about birth preparation. It can be scary to let go of the busy work that we do to get the 'right' plan. And it is good to be a little bit scared, especially when we are stepping into the unknown.
Please check out www.birthingfromwithin.com and www.elliedoula.com for more about this unique birth preparation.
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