Returning from Birth

This article originally appeared in The Nurturer - a publication of Mommy Connections Lethbridge

Giving birth is a journey.  During pregnancy we prepare.  This preparation might include taking classes, reading books, preparing the baby’s room, having a baby shower and other types of more personal, emotional preparation.

The birth itself is a transition - from the self you were before to the birth of yourself as a mother.  There is a lot of focus in our culture on the well being and experience of the baby. It is equally important that you, as the mother, are nurtured and supported in your new role.  Surround yourself with people who will protect and support you in the first few days and weeks postpartum, while you are learning your new role.

As you learn to recognize yourself as a mom, you may start to wonder what happened to the ‘old you’.  Where is the woman who went to the gym four times a week or who spent an hour a day painting or who cooked gourmet meals? When we have a new baby (or two or three children) sometimes we stop doing other things that give us pleasure and our lives are all consumed by parenthood. This is okay.  For a while.

As time passes many women find that they are starting to return to their old interests, or pick up new ones.  Your world expands again beyond motherhood to include other things.

There was a woman who lived on a farm and had two horses. Before she had kids she rode them every day.  Even well into her pregnancy, she went for rides, spent time with the horses, grooming them and just enjoying their company.  Even though she was happy when her daughter was born, she missed her horses.  So she made a promise to herself that when her daughter was a little older, she would go back to her horses, even if it was only a couple of times a week.  When her daughter was about ten months old, she arranged for a teenage neighbour to come and babysit three times a week so she could go riding.  She saw having that time for herself allowed her to be a better mom.

What I have just described is called the Ceremony of the Return.  Coming out of your birth and early parenting experience and wanting time for yourself is healthy and positive and it helps you come back to your family refreshed. 

You need:           Symbolic object; tags; pot or ground for burial 

·         Think of something you love to do that will be impossible or difficult to do the first year after birth

·         Pick an object that symbolizes/represents that part of your self

·         String and tag the object with a date one year from your baby’s birthday

·         Bury the object in the ground or in a pot.

·         In one year, around baby’s birthday, dig up the object and make a commitment to resume the activity you love.